Landslide
by peetasbunmyoven
Summary: Can you fall in love too young? Too fast? For years they had everything in each other until the day Katniss panicked and Peeta said goodbye. Just a year later they are thrown together by chance. One beach vacation and too many memories they come to realize it was never over. But can one more night be enough? Written for s2sl 2015. All rights to Suzanne Collins.


_I took my love and I took it down_

 _Climbed a mountain and I turned around_

 _And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills_

 _Till the landslide brought me down_

I know the blur of green outside is a tree line full and thick, and just past the yellow is the smooth black tar of asphalt and interstate. I like that I can't quite focus as the jeep I ride in tops out at least ten miles per hour above the speed limit. It's just color, my favorite, and shapes, and shadows. Like a painting that I can't make out up close but if we slowed down or I backed away it would all make sense.

Don't think of paintings.

My eyes drift closed when I draw in a deep breath of stale recycled air and press my cheek to the warm passenger side window. The heat and humidity as we pass through southern Alabama is relentless even through the thick glass. When we stopped for gas it felt like standing over cast iron and someone had just lit the burner beneath us. The air was pure steam and the pavement under our feet made my flip flops stick when I rounded the station to use a bathroom that I'm pretty sure belonged on an episode of CSI. I might have a future as an acrobat with the way I was able to contort my body to pee without actually touching a single surface.

We are only a few hours out. At this point in our trip my stomach should be quivering with excitement and I should be singing along to Jimmy Buffet at the top of my lungs ready to kick start the summer trip my friends and I have been planning for months.

Instead I feel nauseous. Dread heavy and thick swirls like fog through my abdomen.

I didn't think he would come. I've hardly seen him all year and fueled by utter selfishness I am panicked by what his being here will mean. Panic just makes me uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable just makes me frustrated. And frustration just makes me angry.

I don't know why anger makes me feel better. Why blaming him for how I continue to feel makes any sense. He gave me what I asked for. I just thought that by now I was supposed to be happy. I keep waiting to feel light, and relieved.

The feeling never comes.

 _The group of us agrees to meet before dawn at the BP near 65 south. I walk out with a hot chocolate in my hands biting into a cinnamon roll. As the waxy icing melts on my tongue I refuse to compare it to any I have eaten before._

 _Then I see him. Smiling that smile I would know in a crowd of thousands all full pink lips, straight white teeth, and disarming shyness._

 _Peeta's standing next to Finnick's truck, a large duffel at his feet while the tall bronze idiot gestures madly in a way that I'm sure means he's embellishing a story in a way only he could make attractive._

 _I study him for a moment. His blonde waves are dark near his face and ears meaning he's showered not long ago and he's wearing a dark blue faded t-shirt that stretches over his tri-ceps and lays flat over his toned stomach and the top of his frayed khaki cargo shorts._

 _Since I'd frozen at the sight of him it isn't until I remember to move my feet that he notices me. His eyes widen a little, a blue betraying the shade of the sky that once the sun rises will stretch endlessly towards the horizon._

 _He licks his lips and nods softly. "Hey Katniss."_

 _Looking at anything but his eyes directly I whisper. "Hey."_

 _The silence in the dewy morning air is suspended and thick and every second just breathing becomes more difficult._

 _With the precision of a sharpened weapon Finnick cuts through the tension. "I convinced Peet to get off his ass and come with us. The dumbass has been MIA all fucking summer. Look at him. He's so pale I am tempted to perform CPR right now. Seriously dude have you seen the sun at all since school ended?"_

 _With a lift of his hand he rubs the back of his head pulling the soft blonde strands with his fingers. It is something he has always done when he's anxious and makes his hair stand up. The result should be ridiculous but has always been boyishly charming instead. "I've kept busy man. The bakery and everything."_

 _With a roll of his eyes Finnick pats him on the back. "Well it is time for some fun man. Katniss we all good?"_

 _Both pairs of eyes turn to me one green and the other blue. For a moment all I can think is together the colors of their irises will shame the hues of the ocean we are destined for._

 _Then like a wave has crashed over me I blink and nod on reflex. I mean what else can I say? We've been broken up almost a year now and I haven't even seen him in months. These are his friends too. My attempts to avoid him at all costs seems selfish in retrospect but I yearn to stick with it. I don't want him here, or there, or hell even this close. Everything that makes sense when I'm alone moves and bleeds and confuses me when I know he is close enough to touch._

 _He smiles at me again and turns to throw his bag into the bed of Finnick's truck leaning in to greet Annie through the window. Taking a deep breath I throw my unfinished breakfast into the trash. The pastry suddenly tastes like ash in my mouth._

" _Brainless! Come on bitch let's hit the road Gale just pulled up, the gang's all here!" Johanna's dark head leans out the driver side rolling her eyes at me in a way only I could find endearing._

 _But it makes me move. I flip my braid over my shoulder and tap the top of Gale's mustang as I walked past him. He grins and gives me a quick salute._

 _As I climb into the battered up red Grand Cherokee I feel the burn between my shoulders. Like the center point of a flame as blue as his eyes, when he looks at me I've always felt like I was on fire._

"What's up your ass?" Johanna quirks an eyebrow at me and takes a long draw from the Marlboro light between her lips.

Scowling I just stretch my bare feet across the dash and look back outside.

"Seriously? You are going to let bread boy being here fuck up your entire mood? It's almost been a year! Just forget he's here and have fun."

I snort and cross my arms over my stomach.

With a final flick of ash and the stub of her cigarette released into the wind she turns to me again her eyes narrowed.

I can hear the judgment in her voice. "You were with the kid for three damn years and what you don't think you can be fucking civil? Peeta didn't do anything wrong Katniss and as much as I am proponent for looking out for number one even you aren't this selfish. This was supposed to be his trip too. Snap the fuck out of it. "

I flinch a little at her words but she's right. I hate that. Johanna has never been one to break it to me gently. That is why she's still around. I appreciate straightforward no matter how fickle my own behavior so often is.

When I was fifteen I looked up to find Peeta Mellark watching me in quad. I don't know what it was about that day that made it different from the countless fluttering bashful glances he had sent my way that year. He was two years older, seventeen and golden and social and so many things I wasn't but that day I smiled back feeling my belly shift and my skin flush.

Is it normal to fall so fast so young? I guess it doesn't matter really because we did. Three years later we fell apart, or I broke us, or ran I don't know.

I just needed to breathe and for everyone to stop telling me they knew what the rest of my life would be. A year later and I still don't have a damn clue and if anything I am more lost and more frustrated than ever.

My mood is irrational. I find that to be the case more and more each month honestly. I was supposed to feel free right? I'd had almost a year of space and life and I was supposed to be flying like some metaphorical bird by now. Instead sometimes I feel like I am going to suffocate just sitting alone. Like I am being buried alive like my father but there is no mine above my head. Just a waste of memories, a lot of questions, and pain. The only way I know how to react to any of it is anger.

Why aren't I happy yet?

 _Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?_

 _Can the child within my heart rise above?_

 _And can I sail through the changing ocean tides_

 _Can I handle the seasons of my life?_

 _Oh oh I don't know, oh I don't know_

We breeze through the beach town where one side has luxurious condominium structures and five star seafood restaurants and on the other tourist shop after shop lined with surfboards, sharks teeth, and shot glasses. In flashing neon I read one that advertises air brushed t-shirts buy one get one free. With a deep breath I try not to think of a faded oversized t-shirt folded in the back of my dresser drawer. One that is covered in fluorescent tacky handprints and tells anyone who reads it _hands off property of Peeta_.

We had laughed like idiots when he picked it because it was ridiculous, and cheesy, and we both knew I was no one's property. I swore I would never wear it but he had just grinned at me those blue eyes shining when right there in the store he pulled it down over my head and before I could even say anything else he kissed me, and kissed me, and with me cackling with laughter against his lips he picked me up and carried me all the way out to the car. I slept in it almost every night for three years. It wore thin, started to tear, and the words just slowly faded away.

Just like us.

At the sound of gravel beneath the tires I wipe away the tear that found its way down my cheek and look up at our train of cars winding down the drive. We park in front of the house. It's enormous with a sloping roof, glittering windows, and two large palms flanking its sides the color of sand dunes.

Madge went away to school upstate so she won't get here for a few days. But taking in what will be home for the next week I can't help but be grateful that for once I kept my pride in check and accepted her suggestion to use her family's beach house. It is a hell of a lot nicer than the condos I was looking at.

As I step out of the car to stretch the smell of sulfur settles for just a second in my nose before being blown away by the warm salty breeze. I can already hear the waves. The violent crash of them against the sand at high tide matches my mood. Walking around the car to get my bags I see Peeta doing the same. Then he turns and sees me and once again we both freeze.

His eyes put the ocean on the horizon to shame as they watch me.

For just a second I had forgotten he was here. But he is. He will be every time I turn around this week. I already see him everywhere in memory as it is. I scowl at the thought. No matter what I do, he's Always fucking there.

I clench my nails into my palm and with a harsh breath try desperately not to think of the night where he promised he always would be, because I made him promise to stay.

He never anticipated a day would come where I would instead make him promise to go.

I remember how his eyes looked that day too.

In the drive we all decide to break off into rooms and make a quick change before we head out to dinner. Finnick and Annie pair off down one hallway with Gale following taking the second bedroom in that wing. Johanna and I head off in the opposite direction and up the curved stairs. I claim the master suite where Madge will be joining me in two days. Johanna takes the room across the hall leaving Peeta the choice of sharing with Gale or sleeping on the pullout in the living room.

I throw my bag onto the bed and head straight for the balcony throwing open the french doors to let the salty breeze and the rhythm of the water fill the room. I pull it into my lungs and hold it there. When I push it out I feel my shoulders relax and I can taste the sea on my tongue.

Looking away from the long stretch of blue I notice the sun is setting on the horizon. The sky is the most beautiful shade of orange. It makes me hope that downstairs right now he is looking outside. This is his favorite color and it burns across the sky and shimmers along the water making it look like fire on glass. Almost like he could hear me I see movement to my right and look down. His hair is a halo of warm flame beneath the light and his profile is beautifully relaxed as he takes in the view from the deck below.

His arms hang at his sides but his fingers flex and curl. I smile because I can almost hear his thoughts and know he wishes he could paint it.

I'm still watching him when he turns suddenly and looks up at me. He's always been able to feel my eyes on him or know when I walk into a room. He lifts his hand in a small wave. I return it before I even realize and he smiles shyly. Then he takes one last look at the sky before turning to go inside. Lifting my fingers to my lips I realize I was smiling back.

We pick an old seafood shack that has open tables by the water for dinner. We share pitchers of ice cold beer that most of us are too young to legally be drinking. Our waitress looks older than the building however and I think she just doesn't really give a shit. The food is served on long trays lined with newspaper that absorb the grease of french fries and butter from crab legs. Tarter and cocktail sauce comes in flimsy plastic cups and lemons pile up as we eat mouthfuls of boiled shrimp, fried fish, and dozens of oysters. It's nice. It's even fun and as the minutes pass and I fill my stomach with delicious briny bites of shellfish and I find myself relaxing more and more.

Finnick makes vulgar insinuations that grow in description the more oysters he eats wiggling his eyebrows at Annie. I am thinking the flush in his cheeks and the drifting of his hands around her waist has more to do with the fourth cup of beer he's drinking than the power of the slimy aphrodisiac in a shell. Still I laugh when he starts sucking on her neck and she has to poke him with her tiny seafood fork to get him to calm down.

I can feel a flush to my own cheeks as well and I question if maybe I am underestimating the power of the oyster. Because I keep finding myself painfully aware of every attractive thing Peeta does. How his triceps flex when he reaches for more napkins, or the small appreciative moan he makes in the back of his throat when he takes a bite of crab. Later when I look up and his lips shine from butter I remember how full and soft they feel. Then his pink tongue darts out to lick the butter off and I drop my fork and take such a fast gulp of beer that I choke and Johanna has to beat me on the back while I try to drag in air.

Sexy and smooth Everdeen. I smile when I can breathe again and my eyes catch Peeta's but he looks down immediately.

He talks a lot though. Trades stories with the group. Pride swells in my chest when I hear how well his junior year has gone. He's been chosen by his art history professor to receive a grant that will fund a yearlong project. It will serve as his senior thesis. I ignore the sharp twist in my heart when I realize that he has led a whole other life this past year. One where I am no longer an active presence or character within the story. So many moments I've missed.

A mountain of a sundae is brought out for dessert with six spoons. I'm too full to eat much but I swirl my spoon through the puddle of chocolate around the edges before taking a small scoop of vanilla onto its rim. Just as the cold cream is melting across my tongue a small plate with three cherries is pushed in front of me.

My eyes widen and follow the forearm covered in downy blonde hairs up to its owner with eyes the sky would envy. His long lashes flutter against his cheeks and he looks almost panicked. Because as nice and thoughtful as the gesture is I know it was probably just done out of habit.

A little aftershock of countless shared sundaes over countless years. He knows I love them and would always make a point to pull them off and give them to me. He liked to watch the red fruit disappear into my mouth and I loved to tease him. But I would always save the stem because the last part of the game was watching him tie it with his quick tongue.

This is why he looks like he is going to be sick. Peeta believes he's overstepped some line and it breaks my heart a little that he thinks I would be that angry over something so small. So when he starts to pull the plate back I place my hand on his wrist until he lets go. I pick up the one closest to me and put the juicy cherry between my teeth. I pull until the stem pops off and the fruit disappears into my mouth. It tastes tart and juicy on my tongue but not nearly as sweet as the relieved smile that graces his face when I start to chew. I smile back. It feels good. Sharing something with him again, making his eyes crinkle and his lips lift.

It also makes me suddenly reckless for a moment. Just for a breath but long enough for me to lean across the table with the stem between my fingers towards his lips. They fall open and he looks shocked as his eyes go from the stem and then back to my face and down again.

My pulse is racing and I can feel the pound of my heart in my ribs. But I don't move. I can't. His face is so close and I can feel the warm steam of his breath on my fingertips. I lick my lips and his eyes follow my tongue and it makes his lids flutter. Without breaking eye contact and moving painfully slow he inches closer until the heat of his mouth is touching my skin, his lips are warm and wet as they brush my finger and he takes the stem between his teeth pulling it into his mouth.

My arm is still out and I let out a rush of air as he leans back into his chair. What the fuck did I just do? I realize I'm dizzy because I had been holding my breath the entire time and I know if I try to stand up my legs won't be able to support me.

Peeta's cheeks are bright pink and he hangs his head. But in seconds only I see the stem leave his mouth. It is tied in a perfect red bow and when he meets my eyes he raises an eyebrow at me. Heat climbs my neck and I spend the rest of our time at the table stacking lemon wedges next to my plate.

After we have paid the check we head single file out into the humid night. Without saying anything Peeta walks behind me and as he steps around to get to Finnick's truck his fingers brush mine and I feel something in my palm. He climbs in and slams the door. As I go to get into my own seat I look down. He's given me the stem. Because he knows that all it does is make me think of his tongue and what his tongue can do.

 _We've only got an hour and a half after school with both Prim and my mom out of the house. Peeta doesn't have practice or conditioning on Thursdays which is why come four o'clock I'm straddling his lap on our living room sofa with his hands under my skirt and mine buried in the hair at the back of his neck._

 _I will never get tired of this. Of his mouth wet and slick and his breath hot against my cheek. His lips leave mine to suck beneath my ear and travel to my jaw. I roll my hips with each pass of his mouth and he grinds up into me his hands clutching my ass over my panties so hard his fingers must ache. He moans into my mouth when one hand moves the elastic to the side and he can feel how turned on I am in his palm._

 _Kissing him harder I wait for what I know will come next. I am so ready and impatient I almost whine out loud when I don't feel his fingers move or slip inside me. Instead he starts to still completely. Even his mouth against my throat seems suspended. He kisses it once. Twice._

" _Katniss?"_

 _I pant into his hair. "Yeah?"_

" _I want to try something. Is that okay?"_

 _I'm confused but this is Peeta and I would let him do anything. I trust him with my life so I whisper. "Okay."_

 _His exhale is shaky but after only a second he stands up with my ass still in his hands and my legs locked around his waist. He turns and takes a few steps stopping when we are behind the couch instead and sets me down on my feet._

 _He kisses me again hard and immediately I am lost in the taste of him. I love the way he feels against me and I can feel him hard and insistent pressing into my belly. His hands travel from my hair over my shoulders and down to my hips as his tongue licks along the underside of my top lip and chases mine into the sides of my cheek._

 _He pulls back panting and kisses my ear and my neck, my jaw, and down across my collarbone. He nips one of my breasts over my sundress and palms the other in his hand making my back arch and my eyes fall closed. Grabbing my wrists he places them on the back of the sofa and I open my eyes again when he kisses the soft underside of my belly through my clothes and sinks to his knees._

 _He looks up at me then and though there was a question on my lips it falls away when I see how dark and intensely blue his eyes are. I jump slightly when I feel the soft pads of his fingers drag up my calves and then the backs of my thighs drawing the skirt of my dress into his fists. He moves up until the mass of fabric is curled and secure in his hands and my cotton blue panties are the only thing I have on from the waist down._

" _Here. Hold this with one of your hands, the couch with the other." His voice is rough._

 _I've never heard this voice. He sounds like he wants this so much it hurts._

 _I lick my lips and fist the material in my left hand. Peeta brushes a soft kiss to my thigh and it makes it start to shake. He smiles and kisses the trembling limb again then lifts his hands to the sides of my panties and slowly draws them down until they puddle at my feet. He lifts one ankle to help me step out of them._

 _And then I realize I am naked and just inches from Peeta's face. I can feel him breathing. I can feel him breathing… there. His exhale is warm against my skin but almost cold when it hits the wetness between my thighs. I want to drop my dress or at least close my eyes before he does what I now know he intends to do. But I can't. I can't look away from his face. He looks like he is in pain. His jaw is flexed and he's just staring at me and softly running his hands up and down the insides of my legs._

" _You are so god damn beautiful." He looks up at me and his face is one of disbelief and awe and it is ridiculous because he is talking about well that but at the same time it makes my chest warm and all of a sudden I need him there._

 _I fidget a little and whimper his name my hips jutting towards his face the slightest bit._

 _He groans out loud and pushes my legs wide enough to fall between them and I feel his mouth. He kisses me softly, almost sweetly. Then I feel his tongue. He flattens it and licks from the bottom to the top of me and I stop thinking completely, and as my head falls back a high pitched moan falls from my lips._

 _I've never felt anything like it. He's soft where I'm wet, his mouth and lips parting around me and it is just so fucking good._

 _He dips his tongue inside me and my hand on the sofa grips it so hard my knuckles turn white. I feel him, his mouth and his tongue and my god his voice making noises literally into my body. Needy noises followed by deep vibrating pleasurable sounds and I absorb them. Each groan is pure sin as it makes my body roll. Each moan that leaves his mouth has my skin heating and my hips moving and the sound of his mouth on the very center of me is slick and insistent._

 _He alternates hard thrusts of his tongue inside me and flat passes up and down. Then when my legs start to shake and my hips start to move he focus all of his attention exactly where I rub myself at night when I chase sleep._

 _His mouth covers my clit completely, his bottom and top lips creating suction while his tongue starts to make quick swipes back and forth. I actually scream out loud my hand leaving the couch to pull his hair. He just groans and flicks and sucks harder. My legs shake and I feel a bead of sweat leave my hairline and shiver as it slides down my neck. My hips thrust against his mouth and my hands tangle in his curls and when I feel like I am going to fall and like I can't breathe and it is just too much my body bows up, and bears down at the same time. I go from panting his name to my mouth falling open as I come so hard I have no voice and rise onto my toes._

 _If it weren't for Peeta's hands on my thighs I would fall. My hair is a mess with strands spilling and loose from my braid stuck to my open mouth and neck and I can hardly breathe. I feel euphoric like I could laugh until I cry._

 _Peeta's is still on his knees and when I look down his eyes are bright and his face is shining and wet with me. I should be mortified if not for the expression he wears. He licks his lips and meets my gaze and grins. He grins so wide his dimples flash and his eyes crinkle and I realize I can't help grinning right back._

" _I want to do that again. I want to do that all the time." He says it so matter of fact and with such excitement I start to laugh._

 _That just makes him smile even more. He pulls my underwear back up my legs kissing me there once more before he settles the cotton over my ass. Then he stands up and he's kissing me. I almost pull back because I realize it's me that I taste. But between the look in his eyes and his tongue sweeping into my mouth in a way that mirrors how it swept into me, I just don't care._

We buy enough liquor to start a low shelf bar before heading back to the beach house. Peeta and I manage to avoid any more eye contact but the cherry stem feels like it will burn its way through the thin denim of my pocket.

Who needs music when the waves create the perfect soundtrack on this summer night? The six of us spill across chaise lounges and in chairs circling the table covered in solo cups and beer out on the patio. We are all sufficiently just drunk enough that continuing our poker game is ill advised. Finnick has collected the most impressive pile of quarters despite the fact that until he closed one eye he thought he had eight of a kind.

Peeta's cheeks are flushed and his waves have become curls in the humid salty breeze. His eyes are bloodshot making them appear a darker shade of blue and a small smile drunkenly never leaves his lips. I've had just enough rum to make my head light and I can't really find a reason not to sit and stare at his mouth.

Johanna arches her back making her small breasts almost spill out of her black bra. I see Peeta's glazed eyes follow her movements and his smile slides into a smirk.

Where the fuck are her clothes anyway? We weren't playing strip poker.

"Simmer down over there brainless! If your eyes were more focused you'd look ready to arch an arrow my way. Whatever could be wrong with you?" She arches an eyebrow at me instead and I scowl harder but feel heat climb my neck.

Why should I care if Peeta looks at her? I mean hell it's not his fault she's allergic to clothes and basic human decency. And why does that fact that Gale is appreciating her from across the table not bother me in the slightest?

With a further huff and a frown I lean across the stone table and pour a generous amount of rum into my diet coke and the way it burns my nose and its cold way down my throat provides the perfect distraction to my convoluted thoughts.

"Okay I'm bored and not nearly drunk enough let's play a game." Gale smacks the table top and Finnick agrees with a smile as Annie slides into his lap.

She kisses his mouth and raises her glass. "Never have I ever!"

I groan but settle back into my chair. Peeta climbs off the chaise and looks steady enough as he walks to pull up a seat of his own. I try not to glare when I notice it is as far away from me as possible and right next to Jo.

I take a quick gulp when I realize it also puts me directly in his line of sight. Those blue eyes are distracting enough sober.

Johanna clears her throat. "Okay I'll go first!"

I snort. This should be interesting. Having lived with her for a year I was unaware there were still things in existence that she hadn't done.

With a dramatic roll of her eyes she grins at me. "Never have I ever… gone without sex for an entire year."

I feel like my skin is on fire and I swear to god I am going to kill her. My eyes flash with the promise of a slow and painful death and she just grins at me smug and satisfied as I bring my cup to my lips. I never should have told her that but my filter was literally burned away by cinnamon whisky one night last semester.

The rest of the table watches me with disbelief. Hell it was just a year you'd think I'd joined some kind of convent by the looks on their faces. Until across from me Peeta moves. He lifts his beer looking at the dark glass like it is the most interesting thing he's ever seen and takes a slow sip.

My mouth falls open. My heart starts pounding so hard it hurts my ribs. His eyes lift up and meet mine and it hits me. He hasn't slept with anyone since we broke up.

I don't know why it shocks me. I also don't think about how I would have felt if he hadn't taken a drink. The images in my head of faceless heads of hair and long legs and Peeta's hands make me sick to my stomach.

I can't look away from his eyes as we stare at each other. We both know what this means. We were virgins the first time we were together. We've never slept with anyone else. He hasn't been inside anyone since me.

Nervously he licks his lips and finally breaks eye contact with me as Finnick pats him on the back. "Dude. That is just sad. We have got to do something about this."

Running his hand though his hair he just shrugs. "I'm just picky I guess. I have a particular eye."

Finnick shakes his head. "There's picky man and there is the point in time where you have to question whether your dick is going to fall off from disuse."

On a laugh Peeta smacks him on the back of the head. "Yeah. Yeah. It still works. Having an eye for beauty Finn is not a weakness…"

His eyes flit to me before he whispers, "…most of the time."

" _You are so cheesy I think I am about to throw up on you."_

 _Smiling up at me his mouth falls open. "Hey I am pouring my heart out down here."_

 _My hair falls around his face in a dark tangled curtain as I lean down to kiss him. "Your heart is cheesy."_

 _He cards his fingers through the strands before tucking them behind my ear. "You really are more beautiful than the sunset."_

 _My heart thrums like beating wings in my chest at the way he looks at me. "You love sunsets."_

" _Not as much as I love you."_

 _I lick my lips and stare into the sureness of his eyes. "Doesn't that scare you?"_

 _He kisses my nose. "No."_

" _You know loving beautiful things could be seen as a weakness?"_

 _Tucking his leg between mine he flips us over making me laugh._

 _He leans until his words fall upon my lips. "I have an eye for beauty. So loving you is a weakness I will take every time."_

Annie elbowing me brings me back. "Your turn Katniss."

Clearing my throat I shake my head. Anything to shake the memories. I am still shocked breathless by how much they can hurt.

"Never have I ever ridden home in a cab naked." I raise my eyebrow at Johanna as she takes a drink.

See? I can use roommate privileges for this game too.

"Jo. How drunk do I have to get you to share this story with us?" Finnick asks.

I smirk and answer for her. "That only happens when she plays tap the bag with boxed wine. I still have no idea where her clothes went and I have never met a happier cab driver."

"Hey he gave me that ride free of charge! Totally worth it." She cackles as she takes another sip for no reason. She only ever cackles when she's drunk.

The tension seems to seep away for a moment as we all laugh along. It doesn't last long however. Because the more rounds we play and the more drinks I take the more memories of Peeta surface.

Caught by a parent? Sure.

I still remember sneaking out after bedtime to meet him beneath my window. The moon made the bruises beneath his eyes blue instead of black and the tears on his cheeks shine silver. His mother hadn't hit him in years. Apparently finding me in his room wasn't what she expected that afternoon after wrestling practice. She didn't appreciate a whore trying to trap her son into losing his scholarship. Peeta didn't appreciate her calling me a whore.

I'm still not sure of everything he yelled back or how long it went on. I just know each word from his mouth showed up as a strike against his skin. I know that I have never been more certain I could kill another person as I was kissing the tears from his eyelashes because he was sure after what she called me I would be done with him.

I told him I wasn't going anywhere.

Skipped school?

I can still feel the warm grass beneath my back and his wet shoulders beneath my thighs those waves shining bronze and dripping into my clutched fingers as I fell apart against his mouth beneath the sun. Instead of seventh period we spent the afternoon at the lake where my dad taught me to swim.

Sex outside. Messing around in the movies. At school. Cheated on a test. Got drunk and sang karaoke.

Around and around the table we go and every other time I am taking a sip or not drinking at all.

I'm dizzy with the pictures behind my eyes. Three years' worth of new memories and first kisses and breathless laughter.

When it is his turn he looks right at me, just drunk enough to hold my gaze and not look away and bring up another reckless memory. "Never have I ever crawled into the lap of the person driving a car nearly killing everyone involved."

Everyone is watching us, or rather me as I glare and take a long pull from my cup. It's mostly watered down rum at this point.

"As I recall you weren't complaining about that near death experience."

With a shy drunk smile he looks into his beer and tugs at the back of his curls.

Sheepishly he squints back up at me. "Yeah I'm still not complaining."

 _I'm on my feet clapping so hard my hands hurt._

 _The robes are as blue as his eyes when he lets his cap fly into the air and I fly across the grass into his arms._

 _I tug tightly on his waves until he tilts his head back enough to smile at me. "Congratulations."_

 _He grins and he's so beautiful it makes my stomach ache. "Do I know you? Or do you come with my diploma? I mean you're pretty hot so I'm not complaining I just want to be a gentleman and your legs in this white dress are making me think…oomph."_

 _I shut him up with my lips and make a frustrated whining sound when he keeps smiling. Finally with a bite of his bottom lip he presses back and within seconds his tongue is chasing mine and we are making out on the school football field surrounded by students and the flashing light of a thousand flashing cameras held by proud parents. With finals and graduation plans and his family that came into town we haven't been alone all week._

 _I actually groan we he pulls back breathing hard. " Wow. I think that was the most action my grandfather has seen in years."_

 _I wrinkle my nose in confusion so he continues whispering in my ear. "My grandmother is about as southern Baptist hypocrite as they come and I am pretty sure she has an anti-porn policy...hey Papa!"_

 _I gasp when I realize he's grinning and offering a half wave to a white headed man behind us. He's waving with his one free hand because the other is on my ass holding me up where I am wrapped around him like a boa constrictor._

 _Damn it._

 _At his graduation party I make small talk and sit for two hours while he thanks friends and family and opens one card after another pocketing the cash and checks that hide inside. I eat barbecue chicken and even let his aunt believe that her Jell-O salad is incredible before I scrape the pile of green marshmallow filled confection in the garbage outside._

 _It's Peeta's day and I am just here to show him how proud I am. I just wish he'd stop touching me. But he doesn't because it's either a hand at the small of my back, his knuckles across my knees under the kitchen table, or a brush of his lips to my temple. It's driving me crazy._

 _Worst of all is that he knows._

 _He grins at me each time. He takes slow sips of lemonade and licks his lips while looking at me. He feeds me bites of pecan pie with whipped cream and brushes crumbs from my lips and puts them in his mouth._

 _Asshole._

 _We have some parties to get to tonight and by the time we are saying our goodbyes and headed to the door I am so worked up I can hardly breathe and feel about to explode. The weather seems to feel the same because the sky opens up just as Peeta opens the front door._

 _With a quick nod we sprint through the sheets of water up the road to where he's parked his car. We are both soaked by the time we spill into the seats breathless from running._

 _My chest heaves and my hair sticks to my throat and the neckline of my dress over my shoulders._

 _My dress._

 _It's white and soaked clinging to every inch of skin and bone beneath it._

 _Peeta is staring at me. His blue eyes are dark and heavy framed by long lashes that have gone spiky from rain. His mouth is open as he looks at me. I can feel everywhere his gaze touches me. Just like the beads of water that drip from the dark strands of my hair they stream and part down my neck and chest and cling to the skin of my thighs all the way down to my feet. His eyes don't miss an inch._

 _I can't breathe._

 _Then I don't have to because he's hauling me across the seat into his lap and his mouth is on mine cold and wet and insistent before drawing a breath is even an option so I moan instead. His hands run up the arch of my spine to anchor in my mass of wet hair and his nails dig into my scalp and my hips grind forward making a high desperate noise leave his chest._

 _I would smile if he wasn't already so hard between my thighs and it didn't feel so good that I feel light headed. So I do it again. And again. His hands leave my hair to anchor on my hips so hard I know his fingers will leave bruises as he drags me against him. With my skirt hiked around my waist only my panties and the cotton of his khakis separate us. Even that is too much._

 _With a groan I pull back._

 _His eyes are huge and his lips are bright pink and wet and look more delicious than candy. I almost dive back in but instead pant against his cheek and push myself back into my seat._

 _With a desperate edge to my voice I say, "My house. No one's there. Take me home Peeta."_

 _He looks back down at my mouth and adjusts himself with a grimace in his pants before nodding and putting the car into gear._

 _The rain slows to a drizzle but inside the car I can hardly breathe past the tension between us. It hangs in the air thick as steam and makes me dizzy every time he moves. We aren't talking just looking at each other and then the road and back again. I haven't stopped panting and his hands keep rubbing up and down his legs like his palms are sweating._

 _At a red light halfway to my house he looks at me and his voice is so low I can hardly hear him. "I want you so much."_

 _I take a deep breath but he doesn't look away he just reaches across to run his thumb along my cheek to the corner of my mouth._

" _Fuck Katniss. I want you all the time. I never stop."_

 _He watches where his finger meets my lips and I kiss it. I run my teeth across it and then my tongue and he groans but never looks away. So I take his hand with both of mine and run his fingers across my collarbone, between my breasts, he licks his lips as they graze my thighs and he swallows thickly when I pull his hand beneath my dress and between my legs my eyes falling closed and his fingers falling under the cotton covering me._

" _Fuck Katniss."_

 _The light turns green just as he sinks two of his fingers inside me. We pull away down the road and my back arches off the seat as I claw at his forearm and am chanting his name in time with the blades cutting water from the windshield._

 _He curls his fingers against me and his others are white on the steering wheel as he looks where we are going and back to me riding his hand and then back to the road, curses and filthy words falling from his mouth faster than the rain outside._

" _Shit Katniss. You're so wet. Oh fuck. I want you to come. I want you to come so much."_

 _I can't handle his words. He knows I can't. His mouth always tastes sweet and is so often reverent in the amount of time his lips map my body that when he loses control and pure sin finds its way out it drives me fucking crazy._

 _With a groan I unbuckle and he gasps as I straddle him with his fingers still inside me as we are driving down the middle of the road._

" _Katniss what are…?"_

" _Just drive Peeta." I kiss the words into his neck._

 _He groans when I pull his ear between my teeth and slip my hand down the front of his pants taking him in my fist. Then he actually starts to yell._

" _Fuck!"_

 _I kiss his jaw and smile and start stroking him faster never stopping the slow roll of my hips against his hand._

 _He swerves slightly when I add my thumb to the upward stroke of my wrist and with a deep huff of air suddenly jerks the car to the side of a random neighborhood street and kisses me so hard it stings my lips._

 _Then it is just the sounds of falling water across the roof of a secondhand sedan and the frantic meeting of our mouths and moans that fill the car. He uses his other hand to pull my panties further to the side and uses his second thumb to make swift circles above his fingers._

 _I come so hard I fall back against the steering wheel the horn blaring for a good thirty seconds._

" _Holy shit…"_

 _His face below me is flushed and pleased and looking at me in awe and I can't help but grin back at him. But he's still so hard in my hand. His skin hot and tight and without a second thought I scoot back all of a sudden and drop my head into his lap and slide him past my lips._

" _Oh shit! Shit! Holy shit Katniss!"_

 _When he comes his hands are buried in my hair and his thighs are shaking against my chest and the dazed look he gives me when I come up and kiss him sweetly might be my favorite ever._

 _I run my hand through his hair and kiss him one more time. "I want you all the time too."_

His blue eyes almost burn me they are so intense and focused from across the table. His hands flex and I know that for just one moment he can feel the strands of my hair wrapped around his fingers. I swallow and feel insane because I would swear I can still taste the salt of his skin warm and wet from rain on my tongue.

Taking a deep breath I push myself back and stand from my seat. "I think I'm going to bed."

Everyone drunkenly protests. I don't hear anything more than laughter and slurred voices and the steady thick thrum of my own heart beneath my ribs because Peeta still won't look away. The fire in the pit a few feet behind him makes shadows flicker along his cheekbones and the breeze blows the waves of his hair across his forehead as his eyes watch me.

I can feel them. They follow my arm as I run my fingers through my mess of a braid and my hands as I gather my cell phone and empty glass. They follow my teeth into my lip and the rise of air into my lungs. They make me want to run. So I do. With a toss of my cup into the trash I walk across the expansive patio and through french doors into the house.

I feel his eyes on me the entire way.

Sleep isn't something I even attempt to chase that night. If I'm so haunted during the day I can't imagine the nightmares that wait for me if I let my eyes drift closed. So instead I study the shadows that blow across the ceiling and try to let the ebb and flow of the tide outside carry my thoughts away.

They are damn stubborn, my thoughts.

Instead they are anchored here and all include replays of the man sleeping a floor below me. Peeta's laugh. His smile. The feel of him and his gasps into my neck the first time he slipped inside me.

Even the broken sound of his heavy footsteps last year, the last time he walked away.

I almost yelled come back so many times in that last sixty seconds. I almost begged him to stay and would have wrapped myself around him so tight had the words found their way out.

But my mother's vacant voice after my father died was like a hand over my mouth. Prim's wistful talks about children and Peeta's certainty about marriage and our entire lives filled my head. I was months from freedom. I'd never been on my own. I'd never gotten to just be a sister and not had to watch her with the eyes of a parent instead of the child I was.

I knew I would disappoint him at some point. Why fall off the pedestal when I could jump?

" _Katniss, why are you doing this?"_

" _Please. Please don't do this." His voice is shaking as he stands next to where I sit on the bed._

 _My hair hangs in my face and I feel him crouch down to look at me. "Say something."_

" _I'm not good at…"_

" _Dammit Katniss just tell me why?"_

 _My eyes flash when my head pops up. "Cause it's not fucking working Peeta!"_

 _Startled and hurt he stands and takes a step back._

" _It's not working! I just need room to breathe okay? I don't, I just can't do this anymore."_

 _He steps toward me his eyes panicked. "Okay I can give you a few days all right? We can take a break or a week apart or just I won't call as much or something we can figure this out."_

 _Shaking my head at him I dig my hands into the mattress beneath me. "There's nothing to figure out Peeta. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to be eighteen. I want to go away to school and have fun and not worry about hurting anyone, or being there for anyone, or who needs me to do what here anymore. I am so damn tired of people needing me to take care of things. I just want to take care of me."_

" _I can take care of you! I want to! It's all I have ever wanted to do. To love you and keep you safe and spend the rest of my life with you. Don't do this Katniss! Fuck! Please."_

 _Anger irrational and bright burns hot in me and I cling to it. If I don't I will have to pay attention to the fact that my stomach is churning. If I don't I'll have to register the desperation in his face, and the pain in his beautiful eyes. No anger is better. Anger I understand._

" _You always talk like that! I'm eighteen Peeta! I'm not ready to talk about the rest of my damn life. I'm supposed to not have a fucking clue what I want or what I'm doing."_

 _Blinking back frustrated tears he says, "I thought you wanted me."_

" _I did."_

" _You did." The past tense hangs between us like a ghost._

 _His voice grows softer and I have to close my eyes. I don't want to hear his pain. I don't want my hands to twitch at my sides to keep from holding him to me to make him feel better. I am fighting every instinct in my body._

" _Peeta I fell in love with you when I was fifteen. It's been three years. But you went away for two of them. Do you know how hard that is?"_

" _Yeah I think I might! You weren't the only one in this relationship Katniss. I was hurting every fucking day I was away."_

" _Were you!? Because this last year Peeta you seemed pretty damn busy! Talking on the phone to you was impossible. It's like you ran out of anything to say. You hardly came home but every few months. You were always doing things with your college townie friends and sounded like you were perfectly fine!"_

 _His jaw clenches. "What did you want me to do? Nothing? I had to find something to do to keep from going crazy."_

" _You mean like what I was trying to do here? But every time I talked about doing things with my friends you would freak out?"_

" _I didn't…"_

" _Yes. You did. You didn't like me being out on the weekends and you would guilt me into staying home or working more and calling you when I got home."_

 _Hitting the wall with his palm he turns to me. "Gale wanted you to go to parties all the time! I just wanted to know you were safe!"_

" _You didn't trust me."_

" _That's ridiculous."_

 _I step closer to him and feel tears in my eyes. "You put me on this pedestal Peeta and I'm not perfect. I am so fucking far from it and I can't be that girl for you anymore. You can't keep me in a box. You can't plan the rest of my life for me so it fits in yours. You just can't."_

 _His beautiful blue eyes are rimmed in red and his face is wet with tears. They stream down his cheeks and his mouth trembles but I know he can see it. That this is really the end and nothing he does or says can change that. A small part of me is suddenly cold and terrified because as long as he stands here fighting for us my decision might not be real._

 _His hand reaches toward me and I close my eyes. But I never feel his touch on my skin. He has the end of my braid in his fingers watching the dark strands as it slips through. Something else he can't hold onto._

 _My voice is a whisper when I say, "You have to let me go Peeta."_

 _He drags a hand through his hair and on a choked sob asks me, "And if I can't?"_

 _I look onto his eyes one more time. "You have to. I'm going either way."_

He'll never know that I cried myself to sleep for a month. When I wasn't asleep at four am I was on my bed with pictures of us spread before me and more hot tears streaming down my cheeks clutching my cell phone to my chest staring at his number beneath my thumbs.

During the day I moved on. When I couldn't get him out of my head I got angry. You plan the rest of your life at eighteen. It wasn't fair how often he talked about it. How he just assumed I wanted the same things. I would circle these thoughts until I felt justified and vindicated in what I had done.

The sun would set again and I would lie in my childhood sheets letting doubt drift in and missing his chest pressed to my back. How would he have known differently? I asked for always didn't I?

With a frustrated groan I roll onto my stomach and bury my face in my pillow. Okay tomorrow it is back to the original game plan. This house is huge, the beach is endless and there are four other people here. I can do a better job at keeping my civil distance.

Distance. Easy.

Except it's not because he's everywhere. When I stumble into the kitchen on two hours sleep he's there rumpled and sleepy sipping orange juice in low slung gym shorts and nothing else.

All I get is the lift of an eyebrow when I grab the coffee pot and a mug grunting good morning before I shrug my way out the back door.

When I get back inside I go to grab some towels from the bathroom to put in my beach bag and when I open the door I am hit by a wall of steam and damp skin. Skin that has water beading over a chest wide and chiseled and attached to an equally toned abdomen that ends in a towel wrapped around the v cut of hips I'd know anywhere.

I bounce back as if he'll burn me and his cheeks have that adorable flush to them that I always loved so much. I know it's because of his hot shower but I remember when just hours on my couch or the back seat of his car gave him the same look. His hair is curled and dark from water but it could just as easily be from sweat and my fingers.

Fuck I am staring. With a muttered apology I spin and dive around him slamming the door closed and resting my back against it. I stay in there for half an hour because the pulse I feel in my chest is nothing compared to what is happening between my thighs. Pinching the bridge of my nose I kick and bounce around in a circle basically throwing an all-out hissy fit.

By the time my skin is coated in a layer of SPF and smelling of coconuts I've reevaluated and bargained with myself and essentially glared into the mirror telling myself to get it the fuck together. I've seen him naked hundreds of times.

I can handle this.

I repeat this for the tenth time just past noon as I sit with the sand hot and silky between my toes and my eyes shielded by wide aviator sunglasses.

I swallow shamelessly watching him from behind my shades.

His throat bobs when his head falls back laughing and his triceps flex as he lets the frisbee fly. His skin shines with water beading across his chest. His shoulders are already scattered with the freckles I used to love so much and I can tell his nose is a light shade of pink even from here.

He dives beneath a wave and when he comes back up and runs through the shallow surf soaking wet he is literally glistening while his swim trunks leave very little to the imagination. Suddenly I feel light headed and flip over to lie on my stomach untying my top to prevent a tan line and laying on my arms to let my eyes drift closed.

My mind however is stubborn and can fixate on one thing and one thing only.

If I walked up behind him and pressed my mouth to his back I know it would taste salty. Like so many afternoons ago when I'd nip and nibble beneath the neckline of his faded grey hoodie.

If I took a deep breath though he would smell like sunshine and skin. Like he spent all day mowing the lawns in his neighborhood for enough pocket money to take me to my favorite ancient drive in theatre one town over.

It was always my favorite way to spend weekends in August. We'd eat too many cheese fries and drink too much sprite and eventually find our way into his backseat for the entire second movie. Only our soft laughter and the meeting of our mouths would fill the car and as my skin would grow sticky against worn leather and he would grow hard between us as his mouth found my neck. I would smile thinking nothing could be better.

Slowly the steady crash of the waves plays like a lullaby in my head and I drift to sleep.

It is a cold trickle on the small of my back that wakes me up. I lift my head and it's shaded because someone sits next to me. Pushing my glasses up I squint and watch as Peeta lifts a mix of sand and water from a bucket between his legs with a look of intense concentration on his face.

The sand and water part between his fingers and he drizzles them across my skin. I almost jump but his eyes flit up to mine.

He whispers, "Don't move."

Taking more sand and water he repeats the motion and it feels so cool and good I lie back down on my arms and watch him.

He smiles softly as I go still and actually listen to what he asks. His hair is still damp so it shines bronze in the sun but his eyelashes are long and gold and tangle as they brush his freckled cheeks.

He glances to me again as more sand collects an inch higher on my spine. He catches me staring and I feel heat flush my face and neck but he just smiles.

Clearing his throat he looks out at the horizon. "Thank you."

My voice feels small and rough as it leaves my lips. "For what?"

He glances back at me and plays with the sand. "Not making a big deal about me being here. It's nice. I kind of needed it. I mean you know what it's like at home, and with my mom, and fuck if I didn't need a break…"

"Peeta…"

He shakes his head and grins. "No Katniss everything is fine I just wanted to clear the air a little and say I appreciated it okay?"

Blinking I lick my lips and nod. "Okay."

He picks up one last handful of sand and out of my peripheral I can see that he has formed three tiny castles of drizzled sparkling sand in the small slope of my back. It's beautiful. His smile as he looks at it however is what makes my heart pound.

"I bought you a sandcastle once." He stares at my back when he whispers this.

Softly I smile into the crook of my elbow. "I remember. One of those souvenir ones. It even had a little pearl on top."

He drops his head and looks at me. "God I really didn't want to go on vacation that year. I thought being without you for a week would kill me."

In the pause of silence I hear seagulls, and ocean and the soft whisper he isn't saying. A year is a lot longer than a week yet he's survived. "

"Do you still have it?"

With a heavy breath I nod. "It's on my dresser at home."

Running a hand through his hair he laughs softly. "Good."

His eyes meet mine and I know I won't be able to look away. It has been so long since he's been so close and I could feel how warm he is and see the gold rim around the iris of his eyes. His eyelashes are heavy and thick as he blinks and I can tell his lips need chap stick.

I swallow hard and my voice is shaky as I say, "It's hot. I'm going to cool off."

I go to stand but suddenly his palm wide and heavy is on the small of my back.

"Wait. You…Katniss you're umm…" He gestures to my top and I flush when I realize I was seconds from flashing the whole beach.

"Here. I'll get it." He says just as the cool brush of his fingers register on my skin and my eyes actually fall closed and I have to bite back a gasp.

His hands shake as they take the strings and tie a slow soft bow against my back. His skin is wet and beads of water slide down my spine and for a second I would swear I hear a needy sound leave his throat before he pulls back.

I stand up swiftly and sand falls from my back. It's hard to look at him because when I do I see him glance from my eyes to my parted lips and back again and I find myself wanting to step closer.

Instead I take a step back. Another step. And another. Until I can shake my head enough to clear it and turn and jog to the water.

He's still sitting there when I surface and wipe the saltwater from my eyes.

My hair is knotted on top of my head and I hate myself for hearing Peeta in my memory telling me he likes my hair down. As I twist the elastic securing the messy bun the pop of it in place is satisfying and my own personal little rebellion.

I swipe lotion up my arms and adjust the tight black tank top down over the sliver of stomach that shows above my jeans and slip my feet into my sandals. I grab the solo cup from the dresser as Jo drones about the live music playing tonight and literally chug the vodka ginger ale concoction down until only a sliver of ice cubes meet my lips.

The burn down my throat and the heat that coats my stomach is welcome and I already know I need another. As I round the corner into the kitchen my suspicions are confirmed because Peeta looks good. More than good. His dark jeans frame his narrow hips and the muscles of his thighs and I already know how extraordinary his ass will look when he turns around. He has on a simple gray shirt that strains across his chest and arms but looks soft and loose over his flat stomach.

His eyes meet mine when I come into the room and shine shy and blue above his freckles and his nose that I am certain is just pink enough it will peel in a few days. His hair is damp above his ears and I can smell him freshly showered and reach for the tequila on the counter and fuck it a shot glass this time.

It definitely feels like a tequila kind of night. It is pure satisfying fire as it goes down. I turn and nearly fall back into the counter when I bump into Peeta's chest so close because he's holding out a lime wedge in his fingers to my lips.

They part on their own and his mouth twitches on one side in a small smirk. The citrus is cold on my tongue as my teeth bite down. When my lips brush his finger his smile falters.

It falls completely when I pull the lime away and run my tongue across my lips.

He's close enough that I can see his pupils dilate. It makes my heart race.

Then it just pisses me off. Because I am not supposed to be feeling this way, and because falling back on my temper feels safe. With a scowl I push off the counter at my back and spin away from him.

"You can stop doing that you know."

He raises his eyebrow in surprise and question and I just wave my arms between us. "Every time I turn around you're there. Just give me a little space for fuck's sake all right?"

He flinches and furrows his brow at me. "Katniss…I thought…well after we talked this afternoon…"

I hold my hand up. "Just you do your thing and I'll do mine okay?"

His mouth flattens into a line and I know I have managed to make him mad.

A fight sounds so damn good I am ready to push him when he just nods. "Yeah. I'll give you plenty of space Katniss."

He smiles sad and sarcastic and there is a bite to his words as he shoves his hands into his pockets. "I've gotten pretty good at it over the last year anyway right?"

When I open my mouth to say something he's already left the room.

Drinking seems like an excellent alternative to thinking so I take another shot when Jo comes into the room. After a third round we pile into the cab that will drive us down the street. The place is actually on the water and less than a quarter mile from the beach house but walking was vetoed for sand, hair, and makeup reasons.

Our group having more than one legal member has its perks as pitchers of margaritas over ice are delivered to our table in the corner. The lime is tart and the salt makes my lips purse as I tip it back and drain it in four hearty swigs.

Between this and the drinks at the house I am finally feeling nothing and nothing feels good. My cheeks are flushed as the booze settles hot in my stomach.

The breeze off the water brushes over my skin and the music pulses in my chest and with each pound of my hearts it feels like it is being pushed through my veins.

Jo grabs my hand to follow Finnick and Annie through the crowd to the middle of the dance floor and with a laugh I let my head fall back and my hips move to the music. We dance for three songs straight when I see Peeta watching me from the floors perimeter.

For some reason with the alcohol burning inside me I want him to watch me. I want to prove to him, and to me, to everyone that I was right. That I made the right choice one year ago and I don't need him anymore.

None of that even matters because when I look back at him again I don't find angry blue eyes, or a jealous clenched jaw looking back.

He's not looking back at ME at all.

He's looking and smiling down into the face of a curvy blonde that he has wrapped up in his arms and pressed to his groin as they dance to whatever high octane song that is playing.

She's attractive….beautiful really with waves of gold hair and a chest that I would have to go up at least two cups sizes to achieve. She smiles up at him again and grinds against him to the music and I want to punch out her pretty white teeth.

I watch them as I slowly walk back to our table and pour another drink. Being together for three years I've danced with him plenty so I know what it feels like wrapped up that way.

I sip and my eyes narrow and my head aches with the pounding of my racing pulse in my temples when I see she's reached up behind her to loop her arm around his neck.

Fuck this.

Draining my glass I don't even feel the burn anymore. I yank the elastic from my hair and let the dark waves of it spill down over my shoulders with a fluff of my hand and make my way across the room practically pushing people out of the way until I am only about a foot away.

The music changes into something a little slower with a deep rolling rhythm when Peeta finally notices me.

I don't even say anything I just stare into his eyes and hold out my hand.

It's a challenge and something about it thrills me. He's always told me I have no idea of the effect I have on him. I need to know if it's true. If I still do.

His blue eyes narrow and the busty cheerleader trying to fuse herself to his dick doesn't even notice me.

He looks at my hand and then back to my face and there it is. That jaw clenches and rolls but he stands taller and pushes her gently to the side. He takes my hand and follows me to the floor and she's left with a dramatic pout on her mouth and those breasts of hers threatening to spill out of her top with indignation

Seconds later she is just background. All of it is. A blur of bodies and sounds and smells where all I can sense is Peeta.

His chest presses into my back and his hands anchor onto my hips hard. He's pissed. My skin may bruise. But as I move against him it feels so good I don't care. We sway from side to side and Peeta hangs his head against my neck.

He takes one hand and brushes my hair over my shoulder before whispering in my ear. "You took your hair down."

I roll my hips back and it makes him grunt. I smile. The bass is so strong I can feel it in my chest. Every down beat I feel my heart. Peeta's arms wrap around my waist completely and I lift my arms to anchor around his neck when his lips brush my shoulder.

His breath is intoxicating. I can feel his heartbeat frantic against my spine as we roll and sway. Sweat sheens my skin and a drop leaves his hairline only to drip onto my neck and run down my chest.

He's not kissing my neck but he's not only breathing either. His lips catch and his nose drags up and down behind my ear making me dig my nails into his scalp and him groan deep into my pulse.

It's hot and the steamy room makes it hard to breathe. The music picks up and we move faster. The harder I roll my hips the harder he pulls me against him. My hands dig into his hair as his breaths leave his lips in little pants of hot air.

I feel it when he grows hard. Instead of stopping it just makes grind back against him more and a long shuddering moan leaves his lips before he jerks back and abruptly pushes me away.

Chest heaving I spin around bewildered. His eyes are round and dark as he runs his hand through his hair and discreetly adjusts the front of his pants. He's breathing hard and staring at me with almost a grimace on his lips.

He opens his mouth to say something but shakes his head instead and drops his hands turning suddenly and cutting through the crowds to make his way outside towards the beach.

I don't know what just happened. I don't even know why I follow him. But for some reason him pushing me away hurts.

Some drunken idiot tries to step in my way but I must have one hell of a bitch face right now because he backs away with his hands in the air. Annie raises an eyebrow at me but I just give her a not now look and when I finally reach the patio the salty fresh air is a welcome alternative to the smell of beer, sweat, and perfume.

My eyes take a minute to adjust but I see him out on the sand. The moon lights up his hair and turns it silver where he stands with his entire body tense staring out at the crashing frothing ocean.

Kicking my sandals off I march my way through the sand.

I shout over the waves at his back. "What was that about? Why did you leave?"

He goes still at the sound of my voice but his face is incredulous and frankly furious as he turns around. "Why don't you answer that question Katniss. What the fuck was that in there?"

I shake my head and wrap my arms around my stomach. "We just danced."

He laughs and I hate how cold it sounds. "We danced. Yeah we did. Because YOU came up to me. YOU came and practically dragged me away…"

"I didn't drag you..."

"You told me fucking hours ago to give you fucking space!" He yells so loud I can see the strain of the words leave his throat.

I flinch back but he keeps going. "I mean what the actual fuck? You broke up with me! I've stayed the hell away from you for an entire year and it's killed me almost every day but I gave you what you wanted."

He shakes his head and my stomach aches at the angry tears in his eyes. "You've treated me like some kind of outsider since I showed up at that gas station because god fucking forbid I be able to also spend time with our friends! I even thought at the beach today… hey I'll give being yours a try. Then tonight you act like I've done something to piss you off and tell me to basically stay the hell away so I do, and when you see me actually having a good time you what? Wanted to fuck with me? Nice."

"You looked like you were having more than a good time?" God who is this petulant person with my voice?

His mouth falls open. "Is that what's wrong?" You got jealous?"

"I wasn't jealous."

He takes a couple steps closer. "Katniss what the hell do you want from me? The cherry stem, all the looks you've been giving me, and then whatever the fuck that was in there I don't know what the hell to do anymore. I wasn't the one that ever stopped wanting you. You can't keep fucking around with me."

" _I never stopped wanting you_." My voice wants to shriek from my chest but stays small and trapped. It hurts where it sits inside my chest.

"Wanting you wasn't the problem Peeta."

He steps closer but his voice is hard. "Then what was? Tell me Katniss because I don't know what the fuck it is you want."

I lick my lips and wring my hands but god do I even know the answer to that question?

"It's just you being here. I guess it brought up a lot and every time I turn around you're there, and you're you, and I feel…damn it Peeta I don't know all right!"

He pulls at his hair as his shout is swallowed by the crashing tide. "What does that even mean?"

"It's like I said. I never stopped wanting you. In fact if I had known…if I had known that the last time we… that it was going to be the last time… I feel like I would have tried harder to remember."

He's staring at me as this convoluted confession falls from my lips. His eyes are narrowed into disbelieving slits and his nostrils flare.

He stalks so close my bare feet almost brush his.

His voice is so angry I hardly recognize him. "This is all about you missing sex? So you what? Thought hey I've ridden this ride before might as well use it while it's here? After everything you just want a quick vacation fuck and figure I am the safest bet since you've been there already?"

"No! God. Peeta no that's not what I said."

He dips down so I can't avert my eyes. "You want me to fuck you?"

I flinch and swallow as I watch his pupils constrict and his jaw looks flexed tight enough to cut glass.

"Stop it."

He leans so close I can feel the heat of his words breathe into my cheek. "No Katniss. I want you to answer me. I didn't start this tonight you did. Do. You. Want me. To fuck you?"

I look into his eyes and my thighs actually tremble. I ache between them at his words and even though my body wants his I would swear I could hate him in this moment. "Fuck you Peeta."

I turn and start to walk away when I hear his voice. "I'll do it."

I freeze with my hair blowing into my face and my heart pounding. He takes that second to catch up to me.

He leans forwards so I can feel the heat of his chest and words warm and wet against my ear. "I'll fuck you Katniss. I'll fuck you so hard that you'll still feel me between your legs the entire ride back home a week from now. I'll give you that. You'll have that last time to remember. But then I'm giving you what you asked for and you won't see me again. I'm too tired Katniss. I can't do this anymore. Do you understand?"

I can't breathe. Every filthy word that leaves his lips has me shaking I want it so much. Can I do this? Do I want to?

God I do. I want to. But as my body turns my heart is screaming. Because after tonight I can see it in his eyes that he's telling me the truth. He'll be done. How much of me was counting on him holding onto hope for the both of us?

No. This is what I wanted. Maybe him letting me go is what will finally set me free.

I stop thinking when my fingers find his chest. He watches them move against the soft cotton as I trace the bones of his ribs and sternum, his body's armor that failed to protect his beautiful heart from me.

Here I am ready to break it further.

It is for the best. He's better off without me.

He needs to let me go.

My touch ghosts over his chin and up his jaw and when it sinks into his hair he sighs into my wrist.

I drag my nails along his scalp and his hands follow my arm up to cup my cheeks, his thumbs brush back and forth and I stare into his eyes.

Leaning close he whispers. "We can go back Katniss. Don't make me do this."

My lips tremble as I shake my head and his eyes are still pleading with me. Fight for us. Stay with him

I can't.

"Do it."

I feel him sag against me as his eyes fall closed.

He draws in a harsh breath through his nose but I say it again. "I want you to fuck me."

His eyes flash open and his fingers dig into the nape of my neck pulling my hair. "Damn you Katniss."

He pulls me by my neck and searches my face. His is angry and so very desperate before surging forward and pressing his mouth to mine.

His lips are warm and his furious words are wet as he moves. "Damn you."

It's the last thing that he says because at the first slide of my tongue under his top lip he moans into my mouth. He tastes like beer and lime and salt. And Peeta. He still tastes like hundreds of kisses we shared over hundreds of days. It opens up a pit of longing that sets fire to my belly and I kiss him harder absolutely desperate for every swipe of his tongue along mine and every graze of teeth over my bruised lips.

His hand digs into my hair and he thrusts into my hip and we kiss and kiss until it is only the necessity for air that makes us pull back.

Then he just takes my hand and I forget my sandals in the sand as he drags me along the beach. We make it until we are within a hundred yards of the beach house. Then he pushes me against the outside of a building that I think holds chairs for rent but I can't remember because his mouth finds my neck his lips pursing over my frantic pulse. His tongue flicks the shell of my ear as his hands find their way into the backs of my jeans his palms hot through my underwear.

"I am so fucking mad at you. I've tried to hate you so much." His whisper is rough but vulnerable blowing a strand of hair against my cheek as his fingers wrap loosely around my neck and squeeze until I look into his eyes.

"I this what you wanted? Are you wet Katniss?"

My knees almost give out but he wedges a thigh between them. "Oh god."

"I bet you are so wet I can see it through your panties. I used to be able to get you off without even taking them off. I think about that all the time." His voice is low and after nearly every word he kisses his way down my chest and along the edge of my top.

My eyes roll back as his hands move to the button of my jeans which he undoes with a swift slide of his thumb. "Take them off."

My eyes fly open and his look obsidian in the shadowed night. "What?"

"Pull one of your legs out of your jeans and take off your panties."

I lick my lips and shake my head. "I can't… we aren't back y…"

He shuts me up with a kiss that makes my stomach muscles quiver and I feel hungry.

"If you want me to fuck you take off your damn panties Katniss." He glares at me but waits.

I'm so turned I'm shaking as my hand falls to the waist of my pants and I pull them over my ass and thighs kicking out of them completely.

He licks his lips looking up and down my legs and just crooks his fingers and holds out his hand so with a deep breath I drag my cotton boy shorts down and let them pool at my ankles.

Scooping them up I stand and hold them out. The ocean breeze is warm but between my bare legs feels cold and I shiver.

He smiles at me because he knows and takes my panties and puts them in his pocket.

Then he steps to me and kisses my collar bone.

He looks up at me with his lips on my skin and his lashes brush and flutter as he blinks. He kisses over my heart then he drops to his knees and kisses my hipbone and I start to tremble because next with those blue eyes on mine he leans forward and brushes a long wet kiss right between my legs. One kiss. Then two.

Fuck me.

And never looking away he makes one long pass with his tongue making my back arch and bow and my nails dig into the wooden wall I lean against.

He whispers. "God I've missed you."

His words are warm and he presses another chaste kiss to me before placing each of my feet into a leg of my jeans then pulling them back up my legs.

I'm confused and so worked up I whine a little as the scratch of fabric covers me but he immediately crushes the noise from my mouth his thumb nails digging into the skin above the waistband.

As his tongue finds its way beneath mine his hand turns and disappears into denim. His fingers shift and become wet and my mouth falls open as two of his fingers sink into me so deep I can feel it in my spine.

He kisses the slackness of my lips and my cheeks and when he brushes his mouth against my ear he says, "Wrap your legs around me."

He doesn't wait for me to move he just scoops his remaining arm beneath my ass and lifts so my heels cross at the base of his back and oh my god his fingers seem to slide in even further and slip out a little each time he takes a step.

By the time we make it up to the house I do not recognize the voice leaving my throat, it's not mine. It can't be. I know Peeta has to be tired but his lips haven't left an inch to breathe between them and my skin. He's kissed his way across my face and chest and down the arch of my neck all with his hand buried between my thighs.

The waves crash behind us and our skin is slick with sea salt and sweat as we cross the patio to the back doors which Peeta crashes through and kicks closed with his foot.

"Which way to your room?" He asks between small bites of my neck and my head falls back.

"Stairs…up the stairs to the right."

With a rough nudge of his shoulder the door to my room swings open and slams against the wall. Moonlight streams through the balcony window and the white bedspread looks like a sheet of ice in the middle of the room.

My back slams into it and within seconds Peeta pulls his fingers from inside me and has them at the hem of my top. His nails graze my ribs as he drags the fabric from my body and my skin pebbles because every inch he brushes feels alive.

I'm not wearing a bra. No point really so when next he pulls my jeans down my legs I am bare before him in seconds.

With his hands wide across my knees and his mouth open with soft warm pants he looks at me. At my thighs. My ribs that push through my skin with each heavy breath I breathe. My breasts and the mole where my neck meets my left shoulder. He takes his time. He takes it all in. Like he's never seen it before.

I feel a thick ache in my stomach when I realize no that's not right. He's looking at me like he'll never see me again.

"My god Katniss. Look at you." His blue eyes glisten in what little light we have. I imagine the color is what the ocean must look like when there is no moon.

He swallows and for a minute he looks lost…overwhelmed and overcome. He runs his hands up and down my thighs and his fingers shake.

I can't let him do that. It can't be like this. He needs to stop overthinking and just use me to feel good. He's just supposed to fuck me and right now his eyes hold such tender longing I feel a sob building in my ribs.

So I take his hands and put one to my breast. His palm is warm as he cups me his thumb running back and forth in a way that makes my eyes roll back.

He groans and kisses me again so hard I can tell his control has snapped. He reaches behind him and pulls his shirt off. My god his skin feels amazing and his shoulders beneath my hands flex and roll and I scratch at him needing to feel more. He groans when I palm his ass over his jeans.

"Peeta. Your pants."

He pulls back from my lips and his hands go to the fly of his jeans which once they are unzipped he kicks out his legs grunting as I bite his neck and help him using my feet. Finally I hear denim crash to the floor and I can feel him hard and heavenly straining against navy boxer briefs. I run my hands over the cotton and he thrusts dry and desperate into my hand.

"Fuck Katniss. Oh my god it's been so long."

He whines when my hand slips beneath the band and feeling his soft skin long and hot in my hand is such a heady feeling. How can this feel new but like home at the same time?

I wrap my fingers around him moving up and down, enjoying every soft sound the motion draws from his beautiful mouth. A grunt as he rolls his hips. A long moan when I run my thumb across the tip. And my favorite is a panting whine when I squeeze just a little harder near the base. I remember everything. I know if I keep doing this I could get him off in minutes only.

He's panting and it feels like steam into my shoulder and his lips are slack with his eyes closed and strained. He looks gorgeous. Then he shakes his head and pulls back pushing my hand out of the way.

Pulling away he kisses me with a long swipe of his tongue punctuating his words. "You come first."

I push my head into the bed when he kisses my neck and my back arches off the bed when he finally takes my breast into his mouth. He sucks, and strokes with his tongue, and when he drags his teeth curses start to fall from my lips and his hand falls again between my thighs.

Without warning his fingers are inside me again and they are relentless curling into me until I can feel them low in my stomach hitting the one spot below my belly button that makes my toes curl and sweat break out on my back. He focuses there and pumping his hand in short thrusts as his lips smile into my breast.

It's too much and I try to sit up but he just uses his other arm to push me gently back down his hand coming up my neck until his finger traces my lips slipping between them. "Shh. I want to feel you."

His words do it. My arms shoot out to claw into the bed and my knees draw up and my mouth falls open on a long strained groan as I come hard around his fingers.

I'm euphoric and my muscles feel warm and soft and my head spins. And that sob that was building like a storm in my stomach is there again rising with each heaving breath I breathe. Because I've missed this and I've missed him and what am I doing?

He pulls his fingers from me and with a wet kiss to my belly pulls me by the waist until I am flipped onto my stomach my hips pulled to the edge of the bed. I hear him pull something from his jeans. I hear the sound of his briefs hit the ground and his soft hiss follows that of tearing foil.

Then he's there hard and hot and pushing into me. He sighs as he sinks in his heavy pleasured groan vibrating from his chest into my back and I can feel his mouth slack and wet against the sweat dampened hair of my neck.

He pulls out and thrusts harder and I grunt and I can hear the air rush from his nose and he does it again. And again. Out of me. Inside of me. He's there and he's fucking me. He's fucking me hard and it feels so good and oh my god no it's wrong.

I choke somewhere between pleasure and anguish as he goes even faster because this isn't what I remember or what I thought it would be and I want what I saw in his eyes moments ago.

Oh my god I need his eyes.

With an arch of my back I push back with a foot against his thigh forcing him to slide out of me.

I flip onto my back and he looks confused but I just kiss him instead. I kiss him long and slow and hot. I want to remember everything. I have to. I can never have this back and even if there was ever a time I could I've fucked everything up too much now anyway.

I taste his top lip and bottom and even the seam and creases that bring them both together. I peck along his cheeks and relish the flutter of his lashes into my kisses. My tongue slides along his jaw and licks into the sides of his mouth and against the slick surfaces of his teeth.

I swallow his satisfied sigh when he finds his way inside me once again and I cradle him with my thighs along his waist. Our noses brush and I can taste the smell of our combined skin and the lingering tequila on our breath. His sweat slides along mine and his hair is damp in my fingers as he rocks his hips against me and out of me. The intensity and the pleasure and the need to move with more purpose builds and we let it. He thrusts harder and my breasts move and my back slides up across the soft cotton comforter but I watch him. I have his eyes. He watches me. We breathe. Together we breathe until I am not sure where his exhales end and my drawing breath begins.

We kiss with panting breaths and our lips dragging near the other's mouths without pursing just needing to be close. When he takes one arm and lifts my thigh up a little further and out to the side my head arches back enough for him to drag his teeth along my throat.

It is at my pulse that his mouth forms hot anguished words.

Here whispered against the very beat of my heart he whispers over and over. "I love you. Oh Katniss I love you so much."

He says it twice and the second time it rushes out with a final moan and thrust as he comes. His body jerks and his fingers dig into my skin and my own body bears down around him as hot tears find their way out of my eyes dripping onto his neck.

Our bodies twitch together and then lay sweaty and spent his hair still in my hands his fingers still clenched into my thighs.

I try not to panic when he slides out of me moving off the bed.

That was not just a fuck.

I changed it. I changed everything.

I try not to run when I hear him in the bathroom

When he hands me a warm washcloth and then silently pulls on his boxer briefs I try not to cry because I can see the resolve on his face.

Desperate I stop his wrists when he goes to grab his jeans. "Wait."

His eyes are wary as they watch me in the moonlight.

I lick my lips and pull him to the edge of the bed. "Stay. Stay tonight okay?"

He doesn't say anything for the longest time and I am so selfishly terrified he is going to say no and I need more time to think about this before tomorrow. Somehow I know by then I will have so much more to say.

With a short nod he lifts the blankets and we both slide beneath them.

Drifting to sleep I swear I hear him. He repeats the same promise he made to me so many years ago. Then again maybe it is just another dream where I hear his voice softly whisper, "Always."

I can hear the waves crashing before I open my eyes and smile because of course he couldn't sleep without the window open. Sure enough the patio doors are wide and the sun is shining pink against the early morning surf. It sparkles and the promise of a new day vibrant and bright fills my heart with hope.

With a wide grin and a long stretch I roll over and look into a pair of blue eyes that do not belong to Peeta.

She's grinning at me. "Morning sleeping beauty."

"Madge! What are you doing here?"

Her head tilts and her nose wrinkles so much her freckles disappear. "I was always supposed to get here today remember? I texted you from my flight yesterday."

Running my hands through my hair I close my eyes and shake my head. "Right sorry. I'm disoriented I guess. Everyone's going to be thrilled to see you."

I tuck my sheet tighter around me and run my tongue over my teeth wondering what time Peeta snuck off to his room.

Clapping her hands she turns away and starts hanging up her clothes that lay in the suitcase at her feet already talking nonstop about getting to the beach. I am almost tuning her out when her next statement gives me whiplash and my stomach plummets.

"I hate that I missed Peeta. I hope everything is okay at home."

I swallow and it hurts before I whisper, "What do you mean missed him? He was here last night."

She turns to me, "I know! Apparently by the time everyone came home wasted at like three this morning there was a note that he had to fly home for some kind of emergency. He took a cab. I got here at about six this morning and Finnick said he texted that he was in baggage claim back in District."

My heart is racing. Oh my god it hurts. I put my hand against it because I feel like it might stop and I can't breathe. He left.

That's what you said you wanted.

No. I thought it was. Oh my god he's gone. Gone.

He let me go.

He's done.

"Katniss? Honey are you okay?"

Madge squats down in front of me and I don't notice because the panicked frantic tears are already falling and I can't breathe.

What have I done?

 _Well, I've been afraid of changing_

 _'Cause I've built my life around you_

 _But time makes you bolder_

 _Children get older I'm getting older too_

 _Yes I'm getting older too, so_

I tell myself to wait a few weeks so I can think. Instead I move. I pack and take Jo's car.

Her voice telling me thank fuck and maybe I'm not so brainless rings in my ears the entire nine hour drive. I sing along to the radio so I can't psyche myself out. I stop for gas and eat cinnamon buns that smell like his hands and chug diet Dr. Pepper ignoring how much I need to pee.

It's midnight when I pull up to his house. Or his apartment above the bakery's addition they added when his older brother first moved home from school years ago.

We used to sneak up there to share hurried kisses on his lunch break in the summer, sweating and sticky because the ac was always going out. We'd grin and talk about how one day his brother would move out and it would be his.

I was gone by the time that day arrived.

My palms are sweaty and my mouth is dry. It hits me that I have had nine hours to plan what to say and I have absolutely nothing. Not a fucking clue.

I tell myself he's probably asleep anyway and am about to open the car door when the flood lights kick on and sure enough he comes out the door at the top of the stairs.

He's haloed slightly by the light behind him and his eyes squint in confusion. "Katniss?"

I lift my hand. "Hey."

Oh my god really? Hey? What am I doing?

"What are you doing?"

Exactly.

I lick my lips. "Uh. Well."

His voice is part suspicious part annoyed when he interrupts me. "Katniss what are you doing here?"

"I drove here."

"Okay?"

Wringing my hands I'm annoying myself. "I came to talk to you. I needed to tell you something."

There. Progress.

He leans against the door frame. "Katniss it's midnight."

"It couldn't wait. I couldn't wait."

He raises his eyebrow like get on with it.

Rocking back on my heels I take a deep breath in and let it out putting both my hands against my stomach to steady myself. I can do this. It's been too long already.

"I always wanted you."

Taking a step forward he looks down at me over the railing. "What are you talking about?"

"That day. That day when I told you that you were what I _used_ to want. I was lying. Or I was wrong. I've always wanted you. Every day for the years we were together. Every day for the year we weren't."

His throat bobs and as he takes one step down I take a step closer. "What does that mean Katniss? I mean the last year…"

Delirious tears pool in my eyes as my voice and everything just starts to spill out. "I know! I mean I thought I wanted to be gone. I thought I wanted to be alone and I definitely didn't think I needed anyone else. I realized that's never what you meant or wanted either. I don't need you to survive. I want you there even though I can be fine on my own."

He steps down another two stairs. "If this is because of last night…"

I sniff and shake my head. "It's not! I knew months ago! I knew on the nights I couldn't sleep because I thought I could still feel you behind me. I knew it when I cried every night for two weeks when my pillow case didn't smell like you anymore. I knew it the minute you walked away and I've spent the last year a minute at a time trying to put myself back together when I'm the one that shattered everything in the first place."

He's only two steps up from me now and I'm at the foot of the stairs. His blue eyes shine but he looks scared to believe me.

"Peeta three years ago when my father died you laid with me. I begged you to stay. Do you remember what you said to me?"

"Always." He doesn't even hesitate.

"I want always. I'm sorry I had to break us first. I'm so sorry I hurt you. But I want always so much because it gives me you. I want what I didn't think could be real. I want more days and more sandcastles and I want you double knotting my stupid shoelaces for me, and for my pillows to smell like you, and I just really want to love you every day from here on out."

Tears shine down his cheeks as he takes the last step to reach me.

His voice shakes when he whispers. "You want me?"

"I want you."

He laughs softly and reaches his hand out to brush my cheeks and I cry harder but smile through every tear. "You still love me?"

Turning I kiss his palm and press it to my skin. "Every day."

His smile grows and my stomach starts to flutter and burn with only the hope this one boy and man has ever brought to life inside me. Stepping as close as he can he wraps his arms around me and laughs and cries into my hair.

Our tears blend upon our lips as we kiss. Our teeth bump when our smiles refuse to fall and he picks me up and carries me upstairs kissing my cheeks and my jaw and my temple.

Once inside he sags against the door with me in his arms. I missed him. I tell him how much. I tell him I'm sorry and that I love him.

I love him.

I ask him if I can stay.

He asks me, "Here? Tonight? Of course."

I shake my head no and simply draw a small heart over his chest. "Here."

His blues eyes turn serious and he kisses me so fiercely my back climbs the door and my arms lock around his neck. "Oh Katniss. I never let you go. Like I told you last year…"

He leans until his whisper brushes my lips, "I can't."

*Author's Note

Thank you to Raychel for cheering me on and reading, Lou for being an awesome last minute beta, and Mel for my beautiful banner. Amy, C, and Court thanks for listening to me whine when we'd catch up. I love all of you.


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